why not have a jokes section?

[citymatt]

Football fans can be some of the funniest people, so why dont we have a jokes section.
Go on have a laugh, dont get chance down the lane!!
Heres one......

How British Media would respond to the End of the World

The Mirror - WE'RE DEAD!

The Sun - GOTCHA ALL!

The Sunday Times: Special Keepsake Magazine FREE Inside!

The News of the World - CHARLES AND CAMILLA SEX ROMP SHOCK!

The Guardian - NOBODY TO BLAME BUT OURSELVES

The Telegraph: Blair Responsible for Worst Ever End of the World

The Star: FORGET IT! WE'VE FILLED OUR PAGES WITH TITS

The BBC: BILLIONS TO DIE - MANY BELIEVED TO BE BRITONS

ITV: Special Report Tonight By Trevor McDonald (Circumstances Permitting)

The Daily Mail: YOBS PART OF ARMAGGEDON PROBLEM

GMtv: And later on Lorraine Kelly will be discussing with our fashion experts just what to wear when a world comes to an end.

QUESTION TIME: Join our panel who as usual will not not know in advance any of the questions. Well, (to applause and laughter) maybe just one of them!

Worcester Evening News Local dog leaps to death - did he know?
;D ;D ;D

[tim]

I thought the idea of jokes was that they were funny?

[LeedsWCFC]

citymatt said:

why dont we have a jokes section.

I've seen a lot of message boards that a started a jokes section in response to a request such as yours. They start off popular for the first few days as everyone fills it up with their jokes which are usually the oldest and unfunniest and then the novelty of the jokes section's existence rapidly fades away.

Many people are aware of this so never visit the jokes sections anyway. If there is something funny worth saying I think it is better for it not to be hidden away. I am sure a place can always be easily found within an existing thread or in a new thread without having a dedicated section.

[Deleted]

I don't think there should be anything funny on this board. There is no place for humour in the world of WCFC.

[DazaB]

Think the best way forward with the jokes section would to just start a thread on this board if you have a joke to share

[B*ue dragonstander]

Pakistan's new national sport anyone?

[DazaB]

I know the answer, not funny at all.

Although they were the only team to come back from the world cup with the ashes.

[DrAgony]

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son,
"So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies,
"Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

[DazaB]

Why did humpty dumpty push his mrs off the wall?






he wanted to see her crack.





A bloke walks into a barber shop and asks for a haircut like tony curtis, so the barber says ok and starts cutting his hair, 20 minutes later the barber gets the mirror and says to the bloke,
"what do you think of that?" the bloke replies,
"its terrible tony curtis would never have his hair like that", the barber replies, "
he would if he came in here!"


what do you call a bloke with number plate on his head?



reg.

[dave]

Fifteen sailors and marines arrested for trespassing in Iranian waters. 14 men and 1 woman. It does not take a genius to work out who was reading the map!

[DazaB]

[DrAgony]

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale , Arizona :

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN.

4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, PLEASE LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.

8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO.

10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.

[DrAgony]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

----------------------------------------------

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

-------------------------------------------

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

----------------------------------------------

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

----------------------------------------------

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

----------------------------------------------

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

-----------------------------------------------

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why would you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

----------------------------------------------

[DrAgony]

Subject: NEW JOB

A guy goes to the local Council offices to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him "Have you ever been in the services"? "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for three years." The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment." and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes, 100%... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy, "OK I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M"

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls... no point in your coming in for that."

[B*ue dragonstander]

admin said:

I know the answer, not funny at all.

Although they were the only team to come back from the world cup with the ashes.

;D

Gladstone Small is going to be their new coach.

[darrellbutler]

[bigdave]

whats the definition of confidence?
coming home at 3am drunk, smelling of perfume, slapping the wifes bum, and saying,
your next!

[bigdave]

blonde rings fire brigade, HELP MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
they say how do we get there?
she says in your big red truck!

[oldboyblue]

2 men are walking towards each other. Each is dragging one leg along the pavement. When they meet one says as he looks at his leg, "Falklands 1982". The other man looks at his leg and says, "dogshit 20yrds back".

[DrAgony]

Mazey's fame has spread! There is now an animated version (named Stewie to protect the Supporters Club). Georgie Dragon is also disguised as a dog. Catch it here...





P.S. Can I have your autograaaaph, pleease?

[B*ue dragonstander]

oldboyblue said:

2 men are walking towards each other. Each is dragging one leg along the pavement. When they meet one says as he looks at his leg, "Falklands 1982". The other man looks at his leg and says, "dogs*** 20yrds back".

;D ;D ;D

well it made me laugh out loud and that dont happen often!

[DazaB]

oldbutnew said:

Mazey's fame has spread! There is now an animated version (named Stewie to protect the Supporters Club). Georgie Dragon is also disguised as a dog. Catch it here...





P.S. Can I have your autograaaaph, pleease?

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[sheffield]

Two parrots are sitting on a perch, and one says to the other:

"Can you smell fish?"



Two fish in a tank and one says to the other:

"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

[LeedsWCFC]

oldbutnew said:

Mazey's fame has spread! There is now an animated version (named Stewie to protect the Supporters Club). Georgie Dragon is also disguised as a dog. Catch it here...





P.S. Can I have your autograaaaph, pleease?

Having watched that I'm glad I've never bothered watching Family Guy. It's looks like absolute bollocks and, talking of which, why does the father character have a pair of them on his chin?

[darrellbutler]

oldbutnew said:

Mazey's fame has spread! There is now an animated version (named Stewie to protect the Supporters Club). Georgie Dragon is also disguised as a dog. Catch it here...





P.S. Can I have your autograaaaph, pleease?

He called me sexy ;D

[bigdave]

sheffield said:

Two parrots are sitting on a perch, and one says to the other:

"Can you smell fish?"



Two fish in a tank and one says to the other:

"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

2 fish swimming, 1 hits a wall, the other says DAM!

[DrAgony]

Danny Mac was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.
"Help ! Help!" screamed the woman, "I need someone to catch my baby!"

A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. Then Danny stepped forward. "I'm a semi-professional goalkeeper," he called to the woman. "I'm renowned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."

The woman agreed:"Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."

On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as Danny lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.

[darrellbutler]

Did he slice it over house number 33?

Sorry Danny

[oldboyblue]

No hooked into the garden of No 12

Sorry dan

[darrellbutler]

Did well up front tonight